5 BIZARRE STORIES ABOUT THE ROMANS (PART 2)
Romans took excess to new levels. In fact, they took being shady and scatty to whole new levels, levels that nobody probably wanted to reach in the first place. Hygiene wasn’t top of the list for many citizens of Ancient Rome, and despite how long ago it was, some of these disturbing facts will shake you to your very core mate
1. THEY MADE THEMSELVES VOMIT SO THEY COULD KEEP EATING
(PICTURE CREDIT STRANGE HISTORY)
Fine dining is not something that people associated with Ancient Rome, and there’s not many Roman themed restaurants knocking about the Albert Dock that specialise in world class cuisine. It’s easy to see why considering our first fact. Romans would stuff their faces at dinner until they couldn’t take any more scran, they would then throw up into bowls that they kept around the table, or on the floor, for the truly classy Romans. Like a drunk hen do at a carvery, heavy.
2. THEY SHARED THE SAME SPONGE AFTER POOPING
(PICTURE CREDIT WIKIPEDIA)
Romans liked to keep themselves clean, they would brush their teeth with goats’ milk, they would pass around the same sponge to wipe their arse with, they would wear fresh linens and soak them regularly. See what I said there? The sponge thing? What the f*ck mate. Didn’t even bother cleaning it, surprised they didn’t just go for it and have a dump on the pavement, monsters’ mate. Imagine having OCD in those days? End up losing the plot. Absolutely grim.
3. TOILETS ALWAYS EXPLODED
(PHOTO CREDIT - THE CONVERSATION)
Staying on the bog front - guess what else those sneaky gets got up to? Whatever you’re thinking, I guarantee it’s worse, maybe not as bad as the arse sponge but equally shady. The non-existent hygiene resulted in excessive amounts of methane in the underground sewer system, which would occasionally ignite and literally blow people off the toilet. So “going the toilet to get blown” had a whole different connotation back then. Imagine that mate, just finished with the crusty arse sponge then finding yourself 40 feet in the air, didn’t see that in Gladiator.
4. THEY HAD GRAFFITI
(PHOTO CREDIT - IMGUR)
Next up in the Roman arsenal is the creative and distinctive symbols they liked to use to mark buildings of interest. Penis symbols would be engraved into concrete to direct people to brothels, they would also be used to direct people to “dangerous places”. Imagine spending 4 years in University studying Archaeology, getting a masters, racking up 30 grands worth of debt, spending 4 hours on a plane, to go on a dig, to dig up pictures of a cock. These Romans are something else mate.
5. THE ROMANS INVENTED THE MOONEY
(PHOTO CREDIT - PURPLE MOTES)
Rome holds the honour of the first recorded “mooning” in history. During Passover, Roman soldiers were stationed on the Jerusalem border to keep watch in case the people revolted. Of course, the natural way of keeping the peace is to lift up your pants, moon innocent members of the public, and then top it off with a big dirty fart, as one Roman soldier chose to do. The Jews were understandably furious. They demanded that the soldier be punished, and then they started hurtling rocks at the Roman soldiers. Within the space of a few minutes a full riot had broken out in Jerusalem. Off the back of one soldier showing his rear end. A sign of disrespect, so huge, that it still lives on to this day as a valid way of showing the ultimate level of contempt. Possibly the most notorious arse of all time, apart from Piers Morgan.
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Blog was written by Liverpool Comedian Ant Campbell – You can find out more about Ant & his stand up shows on his twitter @acampbell68
Missed Part 1? Fear not. You can read it here