5 CRAZY CALIGULA STORIES


5 CRAZY CALIGULA STORIES

(PHOTO CREDIT - HISTORY.COM)

Caligula was a crazy bellend. He was one of the most despised rulers and one of the most notorious Roman Emperors to ever exist as you will see from the following stories:

1. YOU WERE IN TROUBLE IF YOU SAID "GOAT" IN HIS PRESENCE 

It was a capital offence to mention a goat in his presence. Caligula was a tall, slim and balding emperor who was known for being incredibly hairy, he was the subject of many jokes he was not a fan of. Any mention of goats in his presence would find you on the end of a beating with an iron stick and probably not worth it IMO.

2. HE HAD A STRANGE RELATIONSHIP WITH HORSES


Caligula had a love/hate relationship with Horses, like me on Grand National weekend. His own horse Incitatus was treated lavishly, he had his own house and his own ivory manger. But he also poisoned his rivals’ horses in competitions so swings and roundabouts mate.

3. HE ONCE KILLED A GLADIATOR IN A MOCK FIGHT


Caligula wasn’t known for his sportsmanship or his fair play, during a mock fight he took out a real blade and stabbed a Gladiator in the neck who had purposely fell to declare him a false victor. Tell you what though, he didn’t mess around did he, sounds like he won to me. Defend yourself at all times bro. Caligula would have deffo took his ball home as a kid.


4. HE SERVED MEALS CONTAINING LIQUID GOLD 

(PHOTO CREDIT - ITALY MAGAZINE)

He also liked to drink dissolved pearls and treat dinner guests to meals containing gold. Well, I say treated, wouldn’t go far on Come Dine With Me would he? Farting quid’s out the next day like a fruit machine. No thanks chief.

 

5. HE OFFERED THE KING OF GODS A STRAIGHTNER

His relationship with Gods was similar to his relationship with horses; absolutely round the bend. Caligula was known for talking to Gods and once invited the moon into his bed for a night of passion,a moon nonce. His relationship with the Gods wasn’t always so smooth however, legend has it a thunderstorm once interrupted his ballet, he was that furious that he offered Jupiter (God of Thunder) a fight! Hardest fella going mate, to be fair; they did make him balding, skinny, hairy and a complete nutcase, so he was right to be fuming with them to some degree.

 

Blog was written by Liverpool Comedian Ant Campbell – You can find out more about Ant & his stand up shows on his twitter @acampbell68