7 CRAZY NERO STORIES
(Photo Credit: Famous Biographies)
Nero has a newfound respect in today’s society due to several positive Hollywood depictions. However, there are stories that highlight his excess and depravity as we will show below.
1. HE WOULD FORCE PEOPLE TO LISTEN TO HIS SH*T MUSIC
(PHOTO CREDIT - DAILY JSTOR)
He would trap people in theatres and make them listen to his music. Now we know where Bono got his idea from to put all those tunes on people’s iPhones. He would put on incredibly long performances, lock people in, and force
them to clap. Sounds like a proper laugh, doesn’t he?
2. HE HOLDS THE RECORDS FOR THE MOST OLYMPIC WREATHS
(PHOTO CREDIT - GAME REVOLUTION)
2. Nero had 1,808 Olympic Wreaths, similar to Olympic Golds back in the day. Michael Phelps & Usain Bolt eat your heart out! He would regularly cheat of course. He wasn’t on the juice or anything he would just get up to mad shit.
Just a bit of a helmet wasn’t he. He would tell people to turn up to a 4-chariot race, and he would turn up with a 10 chariot horse and still, somehow, not win. But they give him it anyway, even though he fell off halfway through.
3. HE HAD HIS OWN ORGY PALACE
(PHOTO CREDIT - LIST VERSE)
Nero enjoyed a little goose, didn’t he? Who doesn’t? However, some of us didn’t build a 120-foot statue at the entrance of our own Orgy palace like he did. Well, I never anyway. Just go the Dam mate like everyone else and save yourself some dough. He called it the Dommus Aurea as well. Missed a trick not calling it Nero’s Condominium IMO.
4. HE SENTENCED A WOMAN TO DEATH BY GIRAFFE
(PHOTO CREDIT - BOYS LIFE)
ell you what else this Nero got up to, he sentenced a woman to death by giraffe, your guess is as good as mine, haven’t got a clue what that would entail. Getting executed at Chester Zoo, be arsed.
5. HE INTRODUCED URINE TAX
A piss tax was introduced during Nero’s reign, I know all taxes take the piss, but this was something else, literally
taxing people’s piss because it was such a commodity. Swerve all that mate, imagine doing that self-assessment for
6. HE WAS THOUGHT TO BE THE ANTICHRIST
(PHOTO CREDIT - RELEVANT MAGAZINE)
There was a legend that Nero would return after his death as an Antichrist figure, and who could blame people for thinking it? The nonsense he got up to? Imagine being haunted by a giraffe killing, piss taxing, Olympic cheat who
forced you to listen to his own music like David Brent. Made up he’s dead me.
7. HE CREATED GAMES IN HONOR OF HIS BEARD
(PHOTO CREDIT - GQ)
And last but not least Nero created games to honour his own beard, the original hipster! Could you be arsed doing
a 1500 metre race just because some kid couldn’t be arsed buying a razor? He would probably claim 1st place at the
end of it as well. Tit!
Blog was written by Liverpool Comedian Ant Campbell – You can find out more about Ant & his stand up shows on his twitter @acampbell68